One friend has been trying to agree to make today a celebration, to actually celebrate his birthday. That's what I planned originally, and two friends volunteered to help me plan a friends and family game night. My goddaughter Nicci's birthday is also today, and she wants me to come out to dinner with her and her twin brother. I wanted to pass out juiceboxes or chocolate or buy milkshakes for strangers, all in Sekai's name.
I don't know that I will do any of that. I am planning to go to the cemetery, and maybe sing, and maybe leave flowers or maybe balloons.
But first (cue the game show-style happy happy music), a few birthday memories!
For Sekai's third birthday, we went to one of those indoor amusement park places that serves pizza and has musical shows on stage. Sekai had a blast. He had pizza and more pizza. He played in the ball bath with Lady, his other godsister, and godfather. He went on the helicopter ride with his Nnenne (grandmother) and friends. He went on the dinosaur ride with his buddy and his mother, who is still a dear friend of mine to this day. He and I played in the tunnels, and slid down the slide. Then we all enjoyed cake and ice cream and Sekai opened his presents. It was a typical, loud, overstimulating, fun, funny three-year-old birthday party. Having spent his first two years in a boarder baby home, it was his first real birthday party (though he had small parties at the home, and he had parties in his early intervention class--I think we had cupcakes in class for his second birthday).
For Sekai's fourth birthday, I planned a party at the local regional park. They have a train, a carousel, and a petting zoo, and I had reserved a room in the center instead of a table in the park, because October weather can be unpredictable. Unfortunately, we didn't make it to that party. Sekai was in the hospital. So we canceled that party and decided to go to the fire station instead. (The park suddenly felt too unpredictable, and he was so fragile at that point, I just didn't want to take any chances. And what could be safer than a party with a bunch of EMTs?) Unfortunately, his discharge date kept changing, so we had to put off the idea of a party altogether. But the firefighter who was helping me with party plans kept calling to check up on him, and seemed as sad as we were that the party might not happen at all. When he was finally discharged, she invited him in for a personal visit! He was such a huge fan of cars, trucks, and engines by that point. For his birthday, I gave him a remote control race car. We would go down to the parking lot, he would stand in his stander and use his tray to rest the remote, then he would race the car all over the parking lot. One day, we were expecting a visitor. She didn't realize we were outside. As soon as she was within range, Sekai ran over her foot with the race car. I'm sure the shrieks could be heard across the complex: she had no idea what was at her feet, and Sekai had fallen into near-hysterics. Her birthday gift to him was a fire engine with umpteen noise-making push buttons. Ok, so she got me back. But it was ok, because he loved that little engine. Some nights, he took it to bed. (Thank goodness it had an off switch on the bottom!)
He was not home for his fifth birthday. Nor his sixth. Nor his seventh. Nor his eight. Nor his ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth, thirteenth, or fourteenth. I understand his social worker made sure he had a birthday cake once she got his case. And I imagine that his teachers gave him parties at school.
For his fifteenth party, he was not home yet, but we were finally doing visits. We planned a multi-day birthday extravaganza. That Wednesday, his birthday, I picked him up after school. He wanted to go to school on his birthday so that everyone could wish him a happy birthday. We left there and headed to the hotel. (A friend arranged for the room. Thanks!) Ever since we started talking about him coming home, he had been asking me for a sleepover. He kept saying he had never had one. (He had had sleepovers of sorts with his godsister when they were both very young. And one night, one of his "aunties"--a dear friend of mine and his--and her kids came over after work, and we ate carry out, watched movies, and all slept in the living room. But I could not tell him this because I was not yet permitted to tell him who I was really.) So anyway, we headed to the hotel where four friends from church were going to join us. One mom--a friend of mine--also stayed to assist her son, who also has CP. The boys went swimming in the pool and hung out in the hot tub (another first for Sekai), ate junk food, opened his presents (Iron Man DVD and Jonas Brothers CD)and rented Star Wars Clone Wars. We were so sure they would fall asleep before the end. Two of them did. The other three were so wide-eyed that when I went from our room to their room of the suite through the connecting door, I could see their eyes before I even entered their room. Their eyes, needless to say, were glued to the screen.
The next day, Thursday, was Yom Kippur, and the schools were closed. We had continental breakfast from the lobby, then lunch at Wendy's. Sekai had...wait...for...it...chicken nuggets! Then two of the boys went with us to the movies to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua. He asked if they could go alone, and I told him I would stay close, but try to leave them be as much as possible, and if all went well, we could talk more about him going out with friends independently. We didn't have the van yet, so he was in a manual chair, but his buddy took the handles and off they went. I sat near enough to reach him, but far enough that he could act like I wasn't there if he really wanted to. He didn't. That afternoon, my godchildren (not the same ones mentioned above; yes, there have been a lot of them, lol) who missed us for the movie invited us to join them to go out to the horse ranch owned by the man who ran the camp that some of the boys had attended. They met us at our house, gave Sekai an art kit (which they called a family heirloom since I had gifted the oldest child in that family with the kit years ago, and he had passed it down to his younger siblings, who were now giving it to Sekai), and performed for him a song that included the lines, "you're a super star...one day we'll see you on Disney..." Then we went to visit the horse farm. Sekai enjoyed watching the horses, and enjoyed meeting Buttercup. Buttercup apparently enjoyed meeting Sekai, too, and tried to help him with the snacks he had dropped in his seat.
Friday we went out with the same family friend who had helped Sekai and her oldest son ride the dragon ride at Sekai's third birthday party. This time, she was accompanied by her little girl. We caught a water taxi from one town to another, and enjoyed a fabulous seafood lunch. Sekai wanted chicken strips, of course, but after some conversation, he agreed to try the fried shrimp. He enjoyed them so much that he asked for more, and then asked for them each time we went out to that kind of restaurant. With a sundae up next on the list, he decided to pass on the seconds of shrimp. And a good thing, too! The waitress was enchanted by Mr. Charisma and though his meal came with a single-scoop sundae, she brought out a double-scoop sundae, with extra fudge, whipped cream, cherry, and back up singers to help us sing to him for the third day in a row.
On Saturday, we had a good ol' backyard birthday party with family and friends. Sekai said it was his first birthday party at home. He asked for chicken and mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. And of course juice boxes and cake and ice cream. He opened more presents: lots of cards, great movies, and plenty of toys and games from friends, and an M&M candy dispenser. Clothes from Nnenne and Skip: blue corduroys and coordinating green/blue plaid button-up and green corduroy shirt; black corduroys and a red and white sweater, and another white sweater. I'm listing out the clothing items because Sekai listed them out whenever he was asked what he got for his birthday. On many occasions, he asked to wear those clothes, specifically. They were his clothes, not hand-me-downs, but his clothes, purchased for him.
So, I'm not sure I'm in a place to really celebrate, per se, but I'm not falling apart, maybe because I did that already. Last night, I went to have birthday dinner with my goddaughter, who was known as my little sister before she became my goddaughter, and her twin, who I still call my little brother. Sekai shares their birthday. And they all have CP. I feel badly because in the years past, I have not always been up to celebrating their birthday because he wasn't home. This year, sigh, he is Home, but not here with me. So anyway, I had a great time last night, then sobbed and bawled and gasped all the way home. My little brother walked me to the car and as he was walking away, I called "happy birthday" and saw him turn and walk his baby-gazelle walk (I've always called it that. I don't think he minds. I should ask him.) and suddenly, the dam broke. But today, I am ok, so far. A few near tears. I think maybe I'm numb. Or maybe I'm just ok. I know a lot of people are praying for me today.
Today, in celebration or in remembrance or in memorial or whatever works for you, please remember Sekai. Please tell people to be good and just and moral and loving to children in foster care, to children who have disabilities, to all children. Please show the child(ren) in your life that you love them unconditionally, and tell them that they are absolutely wonderful, because they are fearfully and wonderfully made. Please share with children that they should be kind to other children because wounded feelings really do cause more damage than we might be able to see at the time. Please help current and future teachers, social workers, doctors, attorneys, and others who impact the lives of children like my Sekai understand that they are going to make a difference no matter what they do, but they have to actually work at it (and sometimes pray on it) to make a positive difference. Maybe give someone a juice box, or chocolate (Reese's, KitKat, and Hershey's chocolate bar were his favorites), or a milkshake (we didn't have them often--though he needed the calories, I didn't!), and tell them about Sekai.
Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, Dearest Sekai Happy birthday to you
You are my sunshine My only sunshine You make me happy when skies are gray You'll never know dear, how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away (2nd verse) One night dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms I awoke dear, and found you missing And I hung my head and I cried
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