21

21!

Dear Sekai,

I know you were really concerned about becoming an adult, mostly about being a contributing member of society (I never figured out where you got that) and having to move away from me (again). Well, I want you to know that through the sharing of your story, you truly have contributed a lot. And I hope you know that I was doing everything I could for you to be able to stay, and that I meant it when I said you wouldn't have had to move out when you became an adult, even if you got married and had a bunch of children and named them all after you (though I'm still not so keen on that last bit, haha, ooo boy). Wednesday, October 8, 2014: your 21st birthday. You would've been a good man, I'm sure. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SEKAI!

Forever, I love you, always. 

21 lies

Breaking news: they say he lied. The patient we've been hearing about for the past few days, for whom there's been much public outcry and on whose behalf others' names were publicly slandered, reportedly lied about whether he had been exposed to a potentially fatal virus and in acting as if he had not been exposed himself went on to expose an estimated 100 other people who may or may not have even known that they were in harm's way. 

We have to do better. We have to decide that it is not acceptable to let others pay so dearly for our own misdeeds.

Autocorrect changed the dearly above to deadly. I pray that will not be so for those directly affected by this breaking news. And I wish it had not been so for Sekai. 

21 fears

I'm in here and nobody knows I'm so lonely. I'm so lonely!

Sometimes it strikes me that he felt this way most of his life. And I cry for both of us. I miss him so much. I wanted it all to be so different. 

21 questions

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don’t ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it but every now and then look around. Drink it in, 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow." 

Meredith Grey
"Grey's Anatomy" S5, Ep24 - "Now Or Never"

21 choices

This is the post for Sunday, September 22, 2014: Missed it. Again.

"Chose love, ok?"
"Ok."
"People do change, you know. You can be anyone you want to be. You don't have to keep going through the same stuff."
"Everybody that ever loved me threw me away, and anybody I ever loved I hurt. I always feel like I'm better off alone."
"I know…

Nikki and Dave
"Utopia" S1/Ep 03

21 misses

This is the post for Saturday, September 21, 2014. I'm still counting this as Saturday because the sun isn't up yet, and I haven't been to sleep yet, and I want to post a post all 21 of these 21 days leading up to Sekai's 21st birthday. 

I had an idea for this post, for Saturday's post, on Friday night, after I posted Friday's post, but I decided to wait until I woke up on Saturday. And I missed it. 

21 words

Sekai will be, would be, 21 years old in 21 days (from yesterday, when it came to me to start this), and though I've stopped writing here for a while, I've still been writing, and I want to write here 21 times these 21 days for my sweet boy's 21st birthday.

"You keep going…"
"I figured, when people first started saying that, when people first started telling me that it was amazing that I was still going, I said then that I only had two choices: I could live, or I could die."
"I think there are a lot of choices in between."
"Eh? Explain, please."
"You could live or you could die, true. But you could live, for example, you could live, but choose to live in pity. You could just wallow in pity-"
"Ha! But I do wallow in pity. If people had any idea. I do, I do wallow in pity. And with his birthday coming up, I've been feeling it even more, oh, the sadness. Sometimes I do wallow in pity."
"Ok. You wallow in pity. I do, too. I did, too. That's what I'm saying, that's what people do, and that's ok. It's ok for you to wallow in pity. But you don't give up."
"I don't give up."
"You keep going."
"I keep going. Hmm."

21 days

I know I haven't written in a while. I'll explain. Mostly. I'll catch up. Mostly. Maybe.

"…you always have a very special place in my heart and your story is always working to inspire me, and many others I am sure, to make the world a better place."

"It's not easy being home alone all the time."