So, I'm a huge Grey's Anatomy fan, and I heard The Fray's song "How to Save a Life" long before it would mean this much to me.
Read more about the song here: http://www.howtosavealife.com/ and here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Save_a_Life_%28song%29
See the video here: http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid348471276?bctid=353578845
Read the lyrics here: http://blog.thefray.net/us/music/how-save-life/how-save-life
Sekai, I prayed to God you'd hear me. Where did I go wrong? I lost you somewhere along in the bitterness. I stayed up all night after night after night, trying to figure out how to save your life.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Suicide Awareness and Prevention Week
Active Minds at Maryland partners with Suicide Awareness Health Education and Training (S.A.H.E.T.) to bring a week of activities to educate and raise awareness of suicide.
11/16 11a-2p: 'Get Your Stress Out' @ Stamp Atrium
11/17 6:30p: Ross Szabo (guest speaker) with No Stigma performing "What Smiling Faces are hiding" (Clarice Smith, Dance Theater - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn1GwgtPDfc)
11/18 12p-1p: Panel Discussion with 2 mental health professionals and 3 students who have suffered with depression or who have lost someone to suicide @ Stamp Colony Ballroom
11/18 3p-7p: Quilt Project for those who have lost someone, those who are struggling with depression, or those who simply want to support this important cause @ Stamp Colony Ballroom
11/19 10a-2p: National Depression Screening Day @ Stamp Food Court 'B'
11/20 10am-3pm: Quilt Display-The commemoration quilt created by the campus community will be displayed in front of Hornbake Library
11/21 1p-2:30p: National Survivors of Suicide Day @ Stamp Edgar Allan Poe Room
http://www.health.umd.edu/YouBelong2009Diamondback.pdf
11/16 11a-2p: 'Get Your Stress Out' @ Stamp Atrium
11/17 6:30p: Ross Szabo (guest speaker) with No Stigma performing "What Smiling Faces are hiding" (Clarice Smith, Dance Theater - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn1GwgtPDfc)
11/18 12p-1p: Panel Discussion with 2 mental health professionals and 3 students who have suffered with depression or who have lost someone to suicide @ Stamp Colony Ballroom
11/18 3p-7p: Quilt Project for those who have lost someone, those who are struggling with depression, or those who simply want to support this important cause @ Stamp Colony Ballroom
11/19 10a-2p: National Depression Screening Day @ Stamp Food Court 'B'
11/20 10am-3pm: Quilt Display-The commemoration quilt created by the campus community will be displayed in front of Hornbake Library
11/21 1p-2:30p: National Survivors of Suicide Day @ Stamp Edgar Allan Poe Room
http://www.health.umd.edu/YouBelong2009Diamondback.pdf
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
A new take on visiting the cemetery
Yesterday, I re-set Sekai's birthday flowers and added a really nice bow. It was hard for me to go to the store to get the things that I needed. I would just get all flustered. And then I went two or three times and the floral arrangement specialist wasn't there, so I had to keep going back. Yesterday I was finally able to talk to her about how to reset the flowers. And while we were talking, Diana Ross' "Missing You" started playing overhead. I was flummoxed for sure, and had to fight back the tears. But then I thought, ok, maybe now she understands how hard this is for me. And now I'm thinking, hmmm, maybe that wasn't a coincidence.
Sekai's site is covered in straw again. Others who were laid to rest after June have grass. But his site seems to be settling still, so maybe they added more dirt, and therefore more grass seed, and therefore more straw. When we were trying to pick a site, I kept saying I didn't want to be one of those people who comes to the cemetery all the time. It took me weeks to even be able to go back after the service. I think I didn't want to go for the same reason that I didn't even get close to the site on the day he was laid down: I didn't want to be unable to leave the graveside. But now when I go, I feel better. One of the reasons I'm no longer sure about relocating is because his site is here. I'm not sure what it is, but when I go to the site, I feel less...I don't know. It isn't less pain. But there is an odd comforting feeling. For one, I think I like to see his name in print, like to see him recognized. But I also think it is because I can look and see that no more harm has come his way. A deep sleep has befallen him. He's waiting for Jesus to return. His soul has left his body. He hangs out with Jesus all day. Any of those, or combination thereof, or perhaps even alternate interpretations, means that he is at peace. That's what he wanted. How can I want less than that for him?
I'm reminded that people used to lay their kin to rest in their backyards, and I guess some folks still do, though it is illegal around here. I can see the value in that. I used to think that it was a bit morbid to think about kin buried in the backyard, or even like in those cemeteries beside churches. But I get it now. I like to be able to go and see that he is no longer in pain. I'm considering moving closer to Sekai's resting place. I know. I'm surprised, too.
Sekai's site is covered in straw again. Others who were laid to rest after June have grass. But his site seems to be settling still, so maybe they added more dirt, and therefore more grass seed, and therefore more straw. When we were trying to pick a site, I kept saying I didn't want to be one of those people who comes to the cemetery all the time. It took me weeks to even be able to go back after the service. I think I didn't want to go for the same reason that I didn't even get close to the site on the day he was laid down: I didn't want to be unable to leave the graveside. But now when I go, I feel better. One of the reasons I'm no longer sure about relocating is because his site is here. I'm not sure what it is, but when I go to the site, I feel less...I don't know. It isn't less pain. But there is an odd comforting feeling. For one, I think I like to see his name in print, like to see him recognized. But I also think it is because I can look and see that no more harm has come his way. A deep sleep has befallen him. He's waiting for Jesus to return. His soul has left his body. He hangs out with Jesus all day. Any of those, or combination thereof, or perhaps even alternate interpretations, means that he is at peace. That's what he wanted. How can I want less than that for him?
I'm reminded that people used to lay their kin to rest in their backyards, and I guess some folks still do, though it is illegal around here. I can see the value in that. I used to think that it was a bit morbid to think about kin buried in the backyard, or even like in those cemeteries beside churches. But I get it now. I like to be able to go and see that he is no longer in pain. I'm considering moving closer to Sekai's resting place. I know. I'm surprised, too.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Sticks and stones/haters
You know, I used to buy into Katt Williams' idea of letting haters propel you to be your star player. And I used to blast Jill Scott's song "Hate on Me"...but since Sekai left, I skip it when it cues up on my DVD.
The problem is that not everybody can take that kind of thing as fuel to press harder. For some people, like Sekai, it confirms the deep-set, nagging, cutting, poisoning belief that one is not as human, as important, as entitled to a space on this earth. I hope we all learn to stop.
The problem is that not everybody can take that kind of thing as fuel to press harder. For some people, like Sekai, it confirms the deep-set, nagging, cutting, poisoning belief that one is not as human, as important, as entitled to a space on this earth. I hope we all learn to stop.
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